Sympathy for the Devil

“How can I compete with them?”

Lou looked upwards and pointed a curving, black fingernail into the darkness above.

A demon watched him, his spiked tail swishing. Diamonds and peridots skittered here and there.

“How do you mean, Mr Sipher?”

His blood-red eyes lowered and bore into the demon. “The humans. Of course. Who else?”

The demon’s tail curled between his legs. Sulphureous sweat ran down his back and pooled in the gouges of his wing bones. He could be off herding newcomers with his spikiest trident, but instead he had somehow ended up here with the boss in a foul mood.

“I, uh, don’t”— he winced — “understand, sir.”

Lou frowned, then released a long sigh; thick yellow plumes momentarily shrouded his face. Standing up from his throne, he began pacing the cavern, muttering.

“Maybe it’s the colour scheme. Too much red. Or the marketing. The pit of darkness. It’s the same ol’ thing. I mean how long have we been doing the unquenchable fire bit?” He stopped and shot a look at the creature. “Maybe we need to revamp.”

The demon’s eyes widened. “Are you firing me, Mr Sipher?” Then mumbled. “I’ve been here from the beginning.”

Lou turned towards the demon, his eyes ablaze. “Can’t you see that I’m bored?” He mimicked an exaggerated yawn. “Booored.” Plopping back down onto his throne, he shook his head. “It seems the humans are evil enough all on their own and don’t need our help.”

The demon snickered, revealing four sharp canines. “Yeah, but wait until they come to us. Oh, the fun we’ll have.” His tail thumped. Diamonds flew into the air.

“That’s another problem,” cried Lou, clutching his forehead. “The worst of them are living too long.”

“Well,” began the demon, “surely we’re doing better than those ones up there.”

Lou’s eyes narrowed. “Are. You. Deaf?”

The demon trembled. “I meant up there, up there.”

“Ohh ew,” said Lou, grimacing. “That place. No, no, on the contrary,” and his tone turned mocking, “they’re really busy. In fact, they’ve been having trouble coping with the amount of collateral damage coming their way.” He sat a moment in silence, then jumped up. “You know what? Maybe we need to make it even hotter down here.”

“But sir. What about the price of fuel?”

“We don’t have to worry about such things,” Lou roared.

A searing gust of heat enveloped the demon. He raised his claws.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Quiet!” A sinewy arm shot out and slapped the demon. He flew across the room, banged against a steaming wall and slid down.

Lou strode over to him. “Now, let’s get to work making this place more inviting, or”— he chuckled —” more uninviting.” Smiling, he continued. “Yeah, that’s the solution, we’ll improve things here and I’ll come up with some fresh temptatio…”

His face crumpled. “Who am I kidding?” He leaned his head back and stared into the darkness. “How can I compete with them?”